Painful...

This whole experience has been painful on several levels. Literally :)

After the fiasco of trying to get our base home ready to out process I was in agony. So often I forget that I have any limitations. I look and move normally for the most part. I can do many things and I am very thankful for that. Reminders of my limitations come in small things like when I try to sit a certain way or kneel to reach my son. Sharp stabs of pain will take me by surprise and begin to fade as I quickly compensate for the lapse in memory. Obviously, I have been dealing with these limitations long enough that I naturally and automatically adjust how I do things. When I began painting the house I did not even consider what all that time on my feet would cost me. I can stand and I can paint. So I did. Unfortunately, I did not feel the full consequence of my decision until I had finished. Oddly enough it was my ankle and foot that caused me all the agony. Usually it is my knee or tibia/fibia. So, I spent an entire week limping around like a nerd.

I have always found limping to be embarrassing & humiliating. It draws so much attention, not to mention the fact that I look stupid in the process. I have taken great pains to NOT show when I am in pain or to visibly demonstrate my limitations. When I work with my personal trainer, she takes great care not to include any lifting or exercise that may cause me pain or injury. That also helps me to avoid looking stupid at the gym. So, here I arrive in Vegas limping around like a dork. All because of a paint job that wasn't even good enough to pass inspection! Fortunately, over the last week the pain and stiffness has subsided and I am almost back to normal. Well, my normal :) On my way to the laundry room yesterday the housekeeper mentioned how I must be feeling better as my limp had almost disappeared. See, I told you that people notice...

Now that we are officially here and getting settled I have noticed that I have been having more problems with my wayward limb than usual. I will have to wait and see what this coming year holds for me in regards to this issue, but I am desperately hoping this is just part of this whole (traumatic) transition and will settle as we do. I am already struggling with God bringing me to this city. I have been less than gracious and understanding. I have been a terrible mommy and wife as I have dealt with my own feelings about moving here. The struggle to accept and obey God's will for my life is already a big hurdle for me. Having to handle problems with my leg, I just don't know if I am up to that challenge as well. I realize that pain, in all its forms, is a chance to grow in some manner. I just don't want to deal with the physical, emotional, and spiritual all at once. I know. I'm a baby. Truth is I will, and always do, handle whatever is thrown my way. Do I really have a choice? The challenge will be HOW I handle it. Right now all i have is prayer. The best pain reliever ever. Lots of prayer...